Irken Flu
by Iruka Sensei871
Summary: "Dad, is Dib going to die?" Gaz asked. "Not that I care or anything." "Of course not honey," the Professor said. "I won't allow it." Zim infects Dib with an alien virus, just to see what it will do. Zim/Gaz in later chaps. Rated for torture and odd sex.
1. Chapter 1

Irken Flu

Gaz was nearing level 14 of Pig-O-Tron, and just as the Pig Lord was launching a Lard Bomb at her character, Dib said something.

"I'm beating level 13! Don't bother me!" she said.

"Gaz…"

"I'll destroy you if you make me die," she said. She dodged the Lard Bomb.

She heard a gagging sound and looked up just in time to see a wave of vomit coming toward her. She clutched her precious DSi to her chest in time to prevent it being soaked in bile.

Gaz sat dripping, every nerve in her body twitching for revenge. "So help me, you won't see another day," she said, but then she stopped as she realized what was happening right in front of her eyes.

Dib stood before her, shaking and slightly green in the face. His arms were wrapped around his body as if to hold off a chill. Even his hair drooped.

"Sorry Gaz," he said. "Zim did something to me. I feel horrible."

Gaz rolled her eyes. "Zim again? You can't blame the flu on Zim."

"It's not the flu. He injected me with something."

"Whatever," Gaz said. "Take a shower and go to bed. Dad will be home eventually – maybe."

Dib's face went white, and he sat down on a chair. He put his oversized head on the table. Gaz noticed a large splotchy rash on the back of his neck. It pulsated, rising and falling with a rhythm unrelated to Dib's breathing. She reached out to touch it, but she lost her nerve at the last moment and pulled her hand away.

"Dib, are you ok?" she asked. All she received for an answer was a groan. He reached up and scratched the rash. Greenish-white puss oozed from it.

"Gross. I'm calling Dad."

"Don't bother Dad," Dib said. She ignored him and pressed a button on her phone. Video Dad soared into the room.

"Gaz, I'm very busy saving the world. This had better be important." An explosion occurred behind him. "Stabilize the experiment!" he yelled amid screams. "If the Pigs-Bosun particle escapes we're all doomed!" He turned back to the screen.

"Dad, there's something wrong with Dib."

"I know honey, but try not to hold it against him. It's not your brother's fault he's insane. Why are you covered in oatmeal?"

"Dib did it," she said, and brushed at the vomit.

"Is that a new fad? Are you children oatmeal painting?"

"No," she said. "He threw up on me. Look." She pointed toward Dib. Video Dad moved forward.

"What's that on his neck?" the Professor asked.

"A rash, I guess. It's gotten bigger since I called."

"Hmm… Mrs. Semtry, hold all calls and experiments." Another explosion occurred behind him. "Saving the world will have to wait."

He hung up and Video Dad retreated to its alcove. Gaz sat near Dib, making sure to be behind him and out of vomit range. She felt like she should comfort him, but she didn't know how. She wished Dad was here; he always knew what to do.

"Dad's coming home," she said. It was the best thing she could think to say.

"I told you not to bother him," Dib said.

"Since when do I listen to you?"

Dib just sat there. The greenish cast had returned to his skin. She sat uncomfortably, waiting for their father and covered in vomit. She wanted to go clean herself, but she was afraid to leave Dib.

The Professor swept into the room in his larger-than-life way. "Dib, look at me," he said, his deep, rich voice filling the small kitchen. Dib looked up. His eyes were glassy and bits of oatmeal clung to his chin, even though most of it had landed on Gaz.

"I don't feel well," he said.

"I can see that," the Professor replied. He wetted a kitchen rag and wiped his son's face. He lay his hand across Dib's forehead. "You're burning up with fever."

He lifted his thin son effortlessly and shifted him to get a better grasp. "Gaz, get the door. No, not the front door. Get the lab door."

He tried to avoid the rash, but he accidently bumped it and green, luke-warm ooze leaked over his arm. A pungent sour smell filled the room, and he barely managed to hold down his lunch. He moved Dib into the laboratory. The lights came on automatically, and he settled the boy onto a medical bed. He busied himself attaching various monitoring machines.

"Zim injected me with an alien virus," Dib said. "He said he wanted to see how it affects humans."

"My poor, insane son," the Professor said. After washing the gunk off his own arm – just in case Dib was contagious – he drew some blood and began a few tests.

"Gaz, run upstairs and fetch me ice and some towels. I need to bring his fever down."

"Dad, is Dib going to die?" Gaz asked. "Not that I care or anything."

"Of course not honey," the Professor said. "I won't allow it."

When she returned with the supplies, she caught a quick glance of her father standing over Dib with his sunglasses in his hand. He wiped tears from his eyes. Gaz hadn't seen his eyes since her mother's funeral. Now she was really frightened. Fear wasn't something Gaz was familiar with, and she didn't know what to do with it.

"Dad? What do you want me to do?"

He put the goggles back on and took the towels from her. He placed ice on the towels and folded them over to make a cold pack. He removed Dib's shirt and placed a cold towel under his armpits. He needed to cool the vital arteries. He placed another over his head and across his neck.

He hesitated. "Gaz, go upstairs."

"Please don't make me leave," she said. "I want to be here if…"

"Ok, but turn around for a few minutes and give him some privacy." She did, and he pulled off Dib's pants. He placed a cold pack over the femoral artery. Dib whimpered and tried to remove the towel.

"Lay still son. Your fever is dangerously high." He pulled a blanket over Dib and sat down. "You can turn around now Gaz. We have to wait for the tests now. He'll be ok."

"Mom wasn't ok," she said.

They hadn't talked about his wife's death, ever. "That was entirely different," he said. "She had a lab accident. Dib is just sick. He'll heal." But as he looked at Dib's puss soaked shirt on the floor, he wasn't sure.

After a few minutes Gaz moved over to the bed and stared at her brother. Dib scratched at the rash. The Professor caught his hands and held them firmly. "You'll make it worse," he said. The rash had spread over his right shoulder and was working its way toward his chest. The Professor took a sample of the fluid that filled the rash and ran a test to isolate the compounds that composed it.

"I don't remember mom very well," Gaz said.

"Why so interested in her all of a sudden?"

"I don't know. I guess… Dib's usually so healthy. I was afraid he was going to die. Made me think about mom."

"She was brilliant. That's what drew me to her. She was a lab assistant, but she quickly moved up to be my partner. She was the only person who ever truly understood my work."

"Great, she was smart, but what was she _like_?"

"She was small – almost tiny. She was an intense woman, with a hot temper. I used to call her my little lioness." He stopped, distracted by memories of the strange woman he'd loved.

"And?" Gaz asked.

"She was obsessed with aliens, just like Dib. My poor, insane wife." He rubbed Dib's hair affectionately, an unusual gesture for him. The Professor didn't care for physical contact.

"She was different from any woman I'd ever met. She used to say that she was attracted to me because I was intelligent and tall. She wouldn't talk about her past. Whenever I asked her about it, she'd try to distract me by talking about alien invasions and impending doom. Sometimes I wondered if she thought she was an alien. She used to say she had been separated from her people and ended up on Earth by accident."

"Sounds like Dib," Gaz said.

"He does remind me a lot of your mother." He pulled a locket from under his collar. "Here, your mother always wore this. You keep it." Gaz slid the locket around her neck.

A buzzer sounded behind him. "That's some of the tests. I need to check the results. Watch your brother for me."

He fussed over the test results, leaving Gaz fidgeting by Dib. "Well?" she asked when he straightened up from the desk.

"This is disturbing," he said.

"How bad is it?" Gaz asked. "What's going to happen to him?"

"It will be easy to make a vaccine for him. What's disturbing me is that it is only contagious through direct contact with bodily fluid, and the DNA in the rash isn't human. I think I owe your mom and Dib and apology.

I think," he began, and his voice rose as he became more excited. "that this is ALIEN DNA!" He held the papers high in the air as a gesture of triumph.

He heard a weak cough from Dib. "I told you," Dib said.

"Yes, son. You told me. It makes me wonder how much your mother did know after all. Gaz, I have a suspicion. I'll need some of your blood."

"O…k?" Gaz said, but she let him draw some blood. As the Professor set about setting up more tests, she turned to her brother.

"Dad," she said.

"Not now, honey, I'm in the middle of some very important scientific research." She knew she'd lost him. He'd adopted the "save the world" tone to his voice.

"Dad!" she yelled.

"What?" he snapped.

She pointed to Dib. "I think you'd better hurry."

The rash had crept up the side of his face and partially covered his mouth, swelling it partially closed. It was dangerously close to his nose and to cutting off his oxygen supply.

The Professor turned to his work, rushing to find a cure. He only had a small amount of time. He created the vaccine and turned to Dib with a loaded syringe just in time to see the rash cover his nose completely. Dib's eyes shot open, and he clawed at his face. His eyes caught his father's and he lay still. The horror in Dib's eyes tore at the Professor's heart, but he forced himself to remain calm and inject the boy with the vaccine.

Dib's face began to turn blue, and his eyelids drooped. "No," his father whispered. "Don't do this Dib. Stay with me."

The rash began to retreat, slowly at first. It uncovered one nostril and Dib fought to bring oxygen into his lungs. The rash began to recede faster, and Dib gasped for breath with the new freedom of his uncovered mouth. As the rash disappeared, the Professor laughed and hugged his son.

"See Gaz, I told you it would be ok. There's nothing science can't solve."

An alarm behind him announced that Gaz' blood tests were complete. "Just as I suspected," he said as he read the results. "Your DNA isn't entirely human either."

"What does that mean?" Dib asked.

"I think your mother was an alien," the Professor said. "This apparently makes your research legitimate science, Dib. Congratulations."

He shook Dib's hand. "Since you're feeling better, I need to get back to the office. I'll write you a note for school tomorrow. Drink orange juice and get plenty of rest."

He was gone before they'd even had a chance to say goodbye. They were used to that though. He was only partly their dad. He mostly belonged to the world.

"Gaz!" Dib said. "Where did you get that necklace?"

"Dad said mom wore it all the time. Why?"

Dib had seen the symbol on the necklace many times – in Zim's base and on the videos of his communications with the Irken leaders. The stylized alien face leered at Dib from his mother's keepsake. Yes, Dib knew that symbol well. His mother had been an Irken.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: A special thank you to my reviewers. I love you like Gir loves tacos. I love you like Gretchen loves her teeth. I love you like Dib loves his hair. I love you like Membrane loves science.

Warning: Mushy Gaz and Dad time ahead.

* * *

Blood vs. Blood

"Yes my TALLEST!" Zim yelled to the vid-screen. "This plan will help me to conquer the Earth for good."

The Tallest sat in easy chairs and snacked on popcorn and sodas. Zim was oblivious to their attempts to hide their laughter.

"That's good Zim. Keep us informed on how the (snicker) awesome plan is going (snicker).

"I will report later, my TALLEST!" Zim said. They cut the transmission.

Gaz stepped out from the shadows. "Hello Zim," she said.

Zim jumped. "Aaahh! Filthy dirt child! How did you get in here? GIR, where are you?"

"I'm right here," Gir said. He rubbed against Gaz' legs like a cat. "I like her. She smells like oatmeal."

Gaz pushed Gir aside. "No one hurts my brother but me, Zim." She pulled a water gun from her pocket and squirted Zim in the face.

"Aaahh, my eyes! My precious eyes!" Steam rose from his hissing skin. Gaz proceeded to randomly kick instruments and experiments in Zim's lab. She pulled a few cables loose and used the water gun on a control panel, sending sparks everywhere.

Gir hid behind Zim. "I'm scared of the oatmeal lady," he said.

"You're lucky, Zim. I'm bored, and I'm out of water," she said. She stepped into the transportation tube and left.

Zim rolled around on the floor until his face quit boiling and hissing. He sat up and rubbed his eyes, which were already beginning to heal. "Horrid filth creature," he said. "She'll pay for THIS. Gir!"

Gir's eyes turned red. "Yes my master!" he said with a salute.

"Run a systems check on the security gnomes and the perimeter defense. I want to know how she got in here."

"Yes my master!" Gir's eyes turned green again. "I'm gonna go eat garbage. Woo hoo hoo!"

Zim looked around the smoking rubble Gaz had created. "Interesting," he said. "The Gaz-monster seemed different somehow, more powerful. I must investigate this."

Back home Gaz knocked on Dib's door. When there was no answer she called his name. She stepped inside and noticed his lab door was open. It was a smaller version of Professor Membrane's lab, but with much simpler, safer equipment. He had built his son the lab in hopes that Dib would become interested in legitimate science. It was better than many research scientists' labs. She rarely came in here. There were no video games, and only someone like her brother would find a place like this interesting. Dib was at his work table. He didn't even notice her enter the room.

"Hey loser. You're supposed to be sleeping. Dad _said_, remember?"

"No time. I have to find out more out our DNA. We're part alien Gaz. Don't you realize what this means?"

She shook her head. "I don't care. I just want it to stop interfering with my life."

"This is proof that aliens exist! We'll finally be able to show the world that alien research is legitimate science. Dad will have to accept my work now."

"You can't tell anyone about this. They'll dissect us and do weird experiments."

"Oh, right. Well, there are still things we can learn. What if we have super-powers? I want acid jets."

"I think we'd know if we had super-powers," Gaz said, but Dib ignored her. His eyes were glued to the microscope.

"Right now you have to sleep. You still look like crap."

"I'll sleep later. There's science to do."

"If you don't stop and go to bed, I'm telling Dad when he gets home."

"Fine, I'll take a nap, but just until my experiments are finished."

"Two hours," she said.

"One hour. I have things to do."

"One and a half hours or I'm telling."

He grumbled, but he left the lab. Gaz waited outside the bedroom door until she heard the click of a light switch and the creak of mattress springs. She wanted to make sure he wasn't sneaking off to the lab again. She cautiously opened the door and peeked inside to assure herself he was actually sleeping.

"Checking up on your brother, Gaz?" she heard from behind her. She hadn't even realized her father was home.

"No, I was just making sure he didn't take my DSi," she said.

"Ah, I'll just go and check on him then."

Gaz stopped him as he reached for the door knob. "He just went to sleep."

"I see. You are looking out for him then. This is a new and mature side of you, Gaz. I'm very proud. Even though he's older than you, Dib is frail is some ways. Good girl."

Gaz smiled, something rare for her. Any praise from her father made her happy.

"I've been working on some tests in the lab at home. It's very important to keep this a secret."

"Yeah, I figured that," Gaz said.

"You kids have some unusual blood. It's a delicate balance between alien and human DNA. The alien material is slowly taking over your bodies. You're advancing at a faster rate than your brother."

"Am I going to become an alien?" she asked.

"I'm not sure. I'm still researching the changes. Have you been feeling different lately?"

She remembered being in Zim's base. She'd been there several times before, but this was different. She had felt a connection with the place and the little robot. It was almost like the base _liked _her.

"Yeah," she said.

"How do you feel different?" he asked.

"I don't know, just different." She remembered the times he'd called Dib insane. It was one thing to believe in aliens. She didn't know how he'd respond if she told him that Dib's "little foreign friend" was an alien she'd had a water fight with.

"Well, let me know as things change. I need to get some work done, so I'm heading down to the lab."

"Can I help?" she asked. She wasn't interested in science, but she wanted to spend time with her dad.

"Yes. Keep an eye on Dib for me, and make sure he gets some Vitamin C. I left some herbal supplements to boost his immune system on the kitchen counter. Give them to him when he wakes up."

"Ok," she said. She was disappointed she couldn't help in the lab, but she was glad to help Dib. She was beginning to feel something like fondness for him lately. Not love. She only loved her dad. But she wanted him to be ok. She would annoy him when he woke up for making her feel this way, but for now she would do what her dad asked.

Gaz settled in on the couch to play Ultra-Super-Pig for awhile. After about ten minutes she heard a door open from inside Dib's room. "I hear the lab door, doofus," she yelled from the couch. She heard a sigh and the mattress springs creaked again.

Gaz went back to playing her game. She became so absorbed in its piggy goodness that she didn't notice the sound of the lab door open just ten minutes later. At nine she wandered into the lab. "Going to bed dad. Goodnight."

"Hmmm…," he said, not even looking up from his work.

"Don't forget tomorrow's my birthday. I want to go to Bloaty's."

"Bloaty's. Right," he said.

"Whatever," she said. She had a feeling he wasn't going to remember her birthday again this year. Last year she had gotten her present a week late.

She had troubled dreams that night, which wasn't unusual. These dreams didn't involve pigs like they usually did, though. She dreamed that she was mutating into a monster and ravaging the Earth. She had eight nasty spider legs and she watched herself impale Dib and drop him on the floor, bleeding. In her dream she turned partly into Zim and laughed loudly. "Stupid human! You can't defeat me!" Gaz/Zim cried. Her father leapt at her/him, only to be pinned against the wall with a spiked leg through his body. Gaz watched helplessly as her dream self twisted the leg to cause more pain. Her father collapsed, still held against the wall by the leg.

Gaz woke up sobbing and clutching her DSi, which she always took to bed with her. She sat up and checked herself. She was still human; that was good. It was just a dream. Her fingers touched the locket around her neck, and she wondered if a dream like that could come true. The locket reminded her that she was, in fact, part alien. If what her father had said was right, she could become an alien someday. Would she try to take over the Earth like Zim? Gaz sat in the darkness, which seemed lonelier tonight than it had seemed for years.

She went to the door of her father's lab and opened it quietly. She was forbidden to ever open that door unless her father was with her. This was a really bad dream though. Her father sat at a table, surrounded by notes and test tubes. He had fallen asleep at the table, and she heard him snoring quietly. "No, Dib. You can't have the cinnamon ghost. Eat the hydrogen atom," he mumbled.

"Dad?" she asked quietly.

He sat up with a confused look on his uncovered face. "Huh? Gaz?" Gaz caught a quick glance before he quickly put the glasses back on and buttoned his high collar, hiding his face and neck.

"Why do you do that?"

"I was tired, and I guess I fell asleep," he said. "The good news is that I've made some progress and I've isolated the differences between the human and alien DNA. I don't know if I can reverse the process, but I might be able to stabilize your DNA. I'm unsure at the moment. It all depends on how aggressive the alien strand is."

"No, I meant why do you always hide your face?" she asked.

"I didn't want to frighten you kids. The outside world has no idea what I look like, you know."

"Why would I be scared? It's just you. That's how you've always looked, right?"

"You mean that, Gaz? My face doesn't frighten you?"

"No. It's just you. I wish you'd leave the coat off sometimes. It makes me feel sad, like you're not really here or something. I liked it better when you didn't hide from us."

He pulled off the glasses. His left eye was a milky white ball, and the left side of his face was one large, wrinkled scar. It reached from his eye to disappear into the lab coat.

"Do you really want to see this Sweetie?" he asked.

She smiled. "I like it when you're really here. Sometimes it's like even when you're home you're not _really_ at home, like that coat hides you. It's just…I dunno… I miss you."

"I'm sorry Gaz. Something changed after your mother died. Elaina meant so much to me. I threw myself into my work to forget what happened to her. I didn't mean to forget you and Dib too. How about we make a deal? I'll leave the glasses and coat off when I'm at home if you'll become my lab assistant."

"Really? I get to help in the lab?"

"As much as you want, and when you get older you can come help me at work if you want to, but the scars have to be our little secret."

"Why?"

"Not everyone is as understanding as you. I don't want people to pity me, ever. I'll talk to Dib tomorrow. I didn't realize the psychological implications that hiding my face from you kids could cause."

She climbed into his lab and hugged him, enjoying having his full attention for once. "Gaz, have you been crying?" he asked.

"No," she said. "I don't cry."

He chuckled. "Of course not. Why don't you tell me what you were not crying about?"

"I had a bad dream. I dreamed I turned into Zim and hurt you and Dib."

"Zim? What does the foreign kid have to do with this?"

Ooops. She had meant to not tell him about Zim. She didn't want him to think she was insane. "Dad, do you still think Dib is insane now that you know about the aliens?"

"Yes, Sweetie. I think he's been trying to convince the world for so long that he's grown neurotic. He does believe there was a ninja ghost in the toilet, remember? We need to look after your brother. I've been trying to steer him toward legitimate science so he'd forget things like Bigfoot and Vampires."

"And aliens," she said.

"Yes, well, I can't be right all the time, now can I? I'll talk to Dib about my face in the morning, but it's 11:00 at night. You need to go to sleep." He put the glasses on.

"Dad," she said. "You promised. Take the glasses off."

"I will, but I want to talk to Dib first. My appearance might be shocking."

He tucked her in, making sure she had a glass of water and her game. As he turned out the light, Gaz said, "don't forget my birthday."

"I wouldn't dare," he said, and then left. The Professor went to find a store that was still open so he could get her a present. He couldn't believe he'd forgotten again. Elaina wouldn't have ever forgotten the children's' birthdays, but with her dead he'd have to do the best he could. She'd probably like something with a pig.


	3. Chapter 3

AN: A little one sided Zim/Gaz romance ahead. I am beginning to love the Professor. Mad scientists are so awesome.

Chapter 3

Paranormal Isn't Normal

There's something about the hours of 12:00 A.M. to 4:00 A.M. that attract the bizarre and unexpected. EMTs know it, as well as police, bartenders, diner waitresses, and paranormal investigators. Gaz, however, knew nothing about those special hours when the veil between this world and the next is thinner.

She woke from a fitful sleep to the sight of a spectral vision at the base of her bed. Gaz rubbed her eyes. The figure stood silently, smiling. "Mom?" Gas asked. "What are you doing here? You're dead."

"I'm a hologram, honey," the small woman's avatar said. "Do you know what a hologram is?"

"Duh," Gaz said.

"If you're seeing this, I'm dead and it's your tenth birthday. I set the hologram to operate on your tenth birthday specifically. There are things we need to talk about."

"You think? You could have told me you were an alien. Dib's all excited, and he's acting weirder than usual."

"I'm sorry, dear. I tried to tell your father, but he didn't believe me. I was afraid to show him what I looked like without my disguise. I didn't think he'd still love me. You and Dib were too young. I had planned to have this talk with both of you when you were older."

"Why did you go?" Gaz asked. "We need you."

The hologram faded for a few seconds and static filled the air. When it reappeared, it said, "I'm sorry, but this hologram isn't programmed with that information. Please ask another question."

"I forgot you're not really mom," Gaz said. "Why did you pick now to show up then?"

"Your body is about to go through some changes. My people are called Irkens. Whenever we mate with another species, the Irken genes take over. We have very aggressive genes."

"So I'm going to be an alien like Zim? I don't wanna be an alien."

"Zim? You know another Irken?"

"Yeah, he's a real jerk. Dib keeps fighting with him. It's annoying."

"Your brother's fighting with an Irken? That _is_ bad news. If there's an Irken on Earth he must be bent on conquering the planet."

"That's what Dib says, but I'm not worried about it. Zim is really dumb."

The hologram faded out for a few more seconds, accompanied by static. "I was processing information," it said when it came back. "Your changes should already be beginning to occur. Have you noticed any physical differences? If you can access your Irken strengths you might be able to beat this Zim. Half-Irken males generally reach puberty about two years after females, so Dib should start mutating soon as well."

"When I was in Zim's base it felt like home. And his robot liked me."

"You were in an Irken base? That's amazing. I'm so proud of you! You could make a great Invader someday."

"I don't want to be an Invader," Gaz said. "I just want things to go back to normal."

"Poor Gaz. That can't happen. You should be having some physical changes soon, and you'll find yourself becoming Irken mentally as well. Some Irkens are psychic, some have special physical attributes, some have amazing mental prowess. We can't know what's going to happen until you begin the metamorphosis."

"How are you here?" Gaz asked.

"I'm in the locket around your neck," she said. "Put the locket on the bed."

Gaz laid the locket on her bed, and it grew spider legs. She screamed, but she couldn't act fast enough to stop it from climbing onto her back and settling between her shoulder blades.

"Get if off! Get it off!" she screamed.

Her mother's hologram tried to comfort her, but Gaz was too upset. Gaz tried to pull the thing off her back, but she couldn't get a good grip. Dib burst into the room holding a baseball bat and a water gun.

"Leave her alone!" he yelled, and sprayed water at the hologram. It went through and soaked Gaz' Bloaty the Hog poster on the wall.

"You'd do better to calm your sister," the hologram said.

Dib dropped both weapons. "Mom?" he asked. He moved forward and put his hand through her. "You can't be a ghost, or I would have hurt you just then."

"I'm a hologram in Gaz' locket. From what Gaz said you both know I was an alien."

"Way to go loser," Gaz said. "How was a water gun going to help?" She was still reaching for the device on her back.

"It was filled with holy water," Dib said. "Didn't you ever see Lost Boys?"

"You get your ideas for this paranormal stuff from 80's movies?" she asked.

"It was a good idea," Dib said. "What were you screaming about anyway?"

"That locket grew legs and turned into a thing like Zim wears on his back. It jumped on me and I can't get it off."

Dib looked at her back. He pulled gently at the device, but stopped when Gaz' skin moved as well.

"Ow! Stop it!" she said.

"Dib, don't interfere with the PAK," the hologram said. "It's attached itself to Gaz permanently. You'll hurt her if you try to remove it."

"Permanently?" Gaz asked. "I don't want it."

"You need it though," the hologram said. "It's packed with the entirety of Irken knowledge at the time when it was programmed – or at least the knowledge available to me. You'll know the Irken language, have access to the technological diagrams of every Irken invention, and be able to build your own weapons."

"Wow!" Dib said. "Can I have one?"

"I'm sorry son," she said. "There were only enough materials to build one PAK, and Gaz' physiology is closer to mine. You genetically resemble your father more than you do me. She was the logical choice. You could wear a pack, but you wouldn't adjust to it nearly as well as Gaz. I have something else for you."

"Really?" Dib asked. "Is it something I can use to defeat Zim?"

"Perhaps. I'll explain when we're done here. You two have been entrusted with a large responsibility. You have to defend the Earth."

"YES!" Dib yelled. "It's about time someone understands."

The hologram instructed them to move into the hallway just outside the kitchen. She pointed to a board and told them to pry it from the wall. It came out easily, and inside Dib and Gaz found a deactivated Sir unit.

"Does this work?" Dib asked. "The one Zim has doesn't seem to help him much."

"It was damaged when my ship crashed. Sometimes it works," the mom-hologram said. "When it works it's an amazing piece of machinery. It's just a nuisance otherwise."

The hologram faced the robot. "Sir Unit Kb17f8, activate."

The robot's eyes glowed red and it jumped out from the hole in the wall. "Yes sir," it said with a salute in the hologram's direction.

"Do you remember my last directive?" the hologram asked.

"Yes sir! If a hologram appeared with a member of your family, it means you will designate a new master for me, sir."

"Yes, that is correct. This is Dib." She pointed to Dib. "He's your new master now. Do you understand?"

"Yes sir!" he said. His eyes changed to green. "Are we gonna make cookies? I wanna make cookies master."

"Errr, maybe later," Dib said.

"Wooo hooo. Cookies!" the Sir Unit yelled.

"Hey, Kb…whatever. Stop being weird," Gaz said.

Its lip quivered in a very human-like way. "Are you mad at Kb17f8?" it asked.

"No. Just be quiet. Your voice is dumb," Gaz said. "And I'm gonna call you Kab. You're name's too long, and it's dumb."

"I'm gonna go stick my head in a beehive! Yay!" Kab announced, threw its arms in the air and ran from the room.

"Can I go see your father?" the hologram asked. "I'm sure he'll want to know about all this."

"Yeah, don't be surprised when you see him though," Dib said. "He's bald now, and he never takes off the glasses and coat, even in the house."

Dib knocked on the lab door. "It's 4:00 A.M." the hologram said. "Won't he be in bed?"

"Probably not," Dib said. "He's been working extra hard lately."

The door was thrown open. "I've told you kids not to bother me if I'm in the lab late. This is very important."

Then he saw the hologram. "E…elaina?" he said, and only quick action on Dib's part saved his father from a nasty fall down the lab stairs as he passed out.

"I think the shock was too much," the hologram said. "Gaz, I'm going into your PAK. When he wakes up, tell him the situation. When you're ready for me to reappear, just push the button on the far left. Yes, that one." It disappeared into the PAK.

They both stared down at their father. "We should do something," Dib said.

"Yeah, but what? I don't know any medical information, do you?"

"On TV they put a pillow under someone's head if they faint. We should do that," Dib said.

They got a pillow from the couch, and Gaz ran to her room. She came back and tucked a stuffed Bloaty toy against his body under his arm.

Dib reached to pull of his glasses. "Don't do that!" Gaz said. "He'll be mad."

"They twisted around when he fell," Dib said. "They'll hurt his face."

"He doesn't want you to see his face," Gaz said.

Dib pulled off the glasses. He unbuttoned his father's coat and threw a blanket from the couch over him.

The Professor woke up a short time later. He sat up with a groan. "Where are my glasses?" he asked in a panicked tone of voice.

Dib handed him his glasses. "I thought you'd be more comfortable that way."

"Ah, I wanted to talk to you about this first," the Professor said, pointing to his face.

"What about it?" Dib asked. "I've seen your face before. It's not a big deal."

The Professor laid the glasses down. Apparently he hadn't been as subtle as he had planned. He had tried to shield the kids from his scarred face, but they must have seen it a number of times. They were too smart for his own good, or too observant. "Thank you Dib. That means a great deal to me." He looked around the room to make sure the hologram wasn't present. "I think I've been working too hard. I need to go to bed. And why am I holding an ugly pig?"

"He's not ugly. He's Bloaty the Pizza Pig. I always feel better when I wake up with a toy," Gaz said.

"Thank you Sweetie. I do feel better. I think I've been working too hard though. I need to go to bed."

"You're not hallucinating. You really did see her," Dib said.

"This isn't the time for your paranormal obsession Dib," his father said.

"It's a hologram from inside the locket," Gaz said. She hit the button and the mom-hologram appeared.

"Hello dear," it said. "I hope this isn't too upsetting for you?"

The Professor stood and put his hand through the hologram. "Amazing! Except for the color, it's very detailed." He saw the device on Gaz' back. "What is that?"

"It's a PAK unit," the hologram said. She explained its purpose.

"You always told me it was a breathing unit because of your asthma. Is that why you were always wearing that "PAK unit" as you call it?"

"Yes. I needed it to live – well, not exactly to live, but without it I wouldn't have been a whole person. It's complicated."

"What else did you lie to me about? Did you even really love me?"

"I tried to tell you," it said. "You never believed me. You just called me your poor insane wife, remember?"

"I remember. It never occurred to me that you might be telling the truth. I'm sorry."

"I wanted you to know what I really looked like," it said. "Would you like to see?"

"No," he said at the same time Gaz and Dib both shouted "Yes!"

The hologram faded and became static filled for a moment. "Insufficient response." It said. "Contradictory answers to request. Will concur with majority request. Will fulfill programmed response for answer "Yes."

The hologram changed and was replaced by a small green woman with large red eyes and green antennae. She had sharp teeth and a small head. The species was familiar to Dib, but it was the first time the Professor had ever seen an undisguised alien.

"So all this time Dib was right?" the Professor asked.

"It seems so," it said. It smiled at Dib. "Our little boy is growing up."

It explained the Irken Empire to the Professor, again. His wife had explained most of this before her death, but now he was actually listening. He had tuned her out before, just like he had with Dib. "I didn't have the materials to build Gaz a pack, but you should be able to procure uranium without too many problems. I doubt anyone would question your request for research materials."

"This thing has Uranium in it?" Gaz asked.

"Of course dear," it said. "It's safe though. It's nearly impossible to destroy a PAK through conventional weapons.

Silence filled the room. The Professor finally spoke. "Dib go to bed. Gaz, come with me. I need to do some research on that PAK unit." He didn't like the idea of Gaz being physically connected to alien technology.

"Why do I have to go to bed? I want to help. This is my whole life – searching for aliens. You have to let me help with this!" Dib whined.

"You just got over being sick; I don't want you to relapse," his father said.

Gaz stuck her tongue out at Dib. "Phhhbt. You can't do anything," she said. "I don't even care about all this, but you can't have any of it. It's all mine."

"I can't have any of what, Gaz?" he asked.

"My alien stuff. I bet that just burns you."

Dib grabbed the Bloaty toy off the floor. "Yeah, well, Bloaty's mine now," he said. "Take that!"

"Dad!" she said. "Dib's being weird."

"Hmm. Dib stop...whatever," he said. He was distracted by the PAK unit. He kept poking at the hologram button, but nothing was happening. He wanted to turn the hologram image off. It disturbed him.

"Irken technology won't respond to other races," it said. "Gaz has to use the PAK."

Gaz turned the hologram off, and she followed her father to the lab. He tried to take a sample from the PAK, but he was unable to even scratch the surface. After breaking several valuable tools he decided to take another approach.

"It said this PAK holds all the information you'd need about the Irkens. Call the hologram back and ask it how to access the information."

Gaz pressed the button and the hologram appeared.

"How do I work this thing?" Gaz asked.

"The PAK is like a second brain to us. Ask it a question in your mind beginning with the word "Question". As you get used to it you'll be able to access the information more easily. Try this. Ask it, question. Where is Irk?"

"What's an Irk?" Gaz asked.

"Irk is our home planet. Try the question."

"_Question – where is Irk?,"_ she thought. Her eyes grew wide and her jaw dropped.

"Gaz, what's happening?" her father asked.

"Wow! I just know where Irk is!" she said. "These maps filled my head and now I know where it is. I know all kinds of things about space navigation too. I mean, I couldn't tell you right now, but I can get them anytime I want. This is cool!"

"Very good," the hologram said. "Now ask it a medical question. I want to show you something. Ask it about the diseases of the squeedly-spooch."

"Ok," she said. After a brief pause she frowned. "It said "Error, this PAK is not encoded with requested information." What does that mean?"

"It means that you only have access to so much information. This PAK was a clone of my own, so it only has information available to Invaders. You can access the main computer and request medical encoding, but I wouldn't suggest it. It takes a lot of time to encode a PAK, more than is useful unless you really need the information.

It will take anywhere from a few days to several years, but eventually your PAK will communicate with you automatically. It will suggest courses of action and strategies to help with your mission."

"Gaz doesn't have a mission," the Professor said. "She's just a child."

"We are an ambitious race. She'll discover something to conquer eventually."

"I know you two are excited," the hologram said. It's time for you to get some sleep, Gaz. I'd try to talk you into sleeping, Albert, but I know better."

Gaz turned the hologram off and left the lab. She didn't quite close the door, so the Professor heard Dib whisper, "what's going on? I've got to know."

"Dilbert Tesla Hydrogen Membrane! You go to bed right now!," his father said.

"Fine," Dib said, and tromped off to his room. Professor Membrane sat up all night, planning and making schemes. If the Irkens were invaders that meant the presence of an Irken on Earth must mean there would be more. The human race was in danger, and he was used to that scenario. The fact that he was usually saving humanity from his own experiments and inventions was lost to him.

He couldn't tell anyone. If they didn't load him in a crazy bucket, someone would certainly subject his children to endless experiments, or worse. It was up to the Membrane family to stop the invasion. He didn't doubt their ability to fight an alien force. After all, they had Irken technology and human savvy. He was already forming a plan. It was risky, as all his plans were, but it was promising. His adrenaline began to flow. He loved it when science grew teeth and grappled with him.

The next day their father kept Gaz and Dib home from school. They spent the time on the couch, with Dib alternately dozing and watching a Mysterious Mysteries Marathon. Gaz didn't even complain about the show. She just sat there staring vacantly.

"Where's the DSi?" Dib asked.

"Don't need it," she said. "I'm asking the PAK all kinds of questions. This is awesome. I totally want to be an invader someday."

Dib sat up, intrigued as ever by anything alien. "What are you learning? I want to know everything."

"Shut up. Your voice is stupid," Gaz said.

"Come on. Just tell me something, anything."

"Will you leave me alone if I do?" she asked.

"For now," he said.

"I can have spider legs if I want them, and this thing can reshape matter into tools. Check it out." She grabbed a small lamp and held it up to the PAK. The PAK grew an oval shaped opening which expanded farther than the PAK actually existed. It swallowed the lamp and a spider leg appeared holding a strange alien device.

"That's odd," Dib said. "How did it just do that?"

"It's not in our idea of space," she said. "It can get bigger than it looks like it could because it partly exists in another dimension. There are all kinds of things in there. How cool is that?"

"It's pretty cool," Dib said. "I have no idea what to do with this worthless robot." He pointed at Kab, who was currently curled by his side like a dog. It stretched and kicked in its sleep.

"I want a monkey pop," it said.

"Maybe Dad can fix it," Gaz said. She scratched her head. "My head's itchy today." She pulled her hand away from her head. There was a large clump of hair in it. She hid it inside the couch cushions before Dib could notice. He didn't reply. He was asleep again. He had really worn himself out trying to do research while he was sick.

The Professor wrote a note to Mrs. Jaded, the children's principal. In it, he explained that he planned on home-schooling the children. Mrs. Jaded stuck the note in her desk next to the bottle of Jack Daniels and promptly forgot about it. Their teachers didn't notice their absence, but Zim wondered where Dib had gone.

They were left to their own devices. Their father headed straight to the lab as soon as he got home. He left occasionally to eat some toast, but after the second day he pulled the toaster and a bag of Super-Toast into the lab with him.

Fortunately Gaz and Dib were used to this. Gaz spent most of the time on the couch or in her room, and Dib followed his usual obsessive hobbies of watching Mysterious Mysteries and spying on Zim. He was more determined than ever to make sure Zim didn't take over the Earth. He could feel his mind changing. Even without the PAK he was becoming more aggressive and territorial, the Irken birthright.

He came home after a frustratingly normal spying session. Zim had spent the day trying to fix Gir, with no positive results. Dib found some leftover pizza and a semi-clean plate and sat by Gaz on the couch.

"Hey, what's up with the ugly hat?" he asked. "You don't wear hats."

"Nothing, Lame-brain," she said. She pulled the hat down farther over her ears. "I'm normal," she said. "I'm not going bald or anything," she said.

"Who's weird now?" Dib asked. She left, which is what he really wanted anyway.

The Professor came out a few hours later and sat by Dib. "I did it!" he said. "I really wasn't sure if it was possible, but I found the secret to DNA manipulation. Unfortunately I can't return you kids back to a fully human state. Irken genes really are aggressive. Human genes can be manipulated into Irken genes though, if Irken genes are used as a guideline. It's amazing how the Irken genes are almost like a virus. They take over the human DNA like an invasion."

"That's great, but I don't see what it does for us," Dib said. "We're stuck this way."

"I have an experiment going," the Professor said. "I should know the results in a few days. I have a plan that will stop the Irken invasion for good if this works."

"How can you plan anything about that?" Dib asked. "We don't know much."

"I found a way to hook the hologram into my computer. The software wasn't compatible, obviously, but the hologram helped me make a patch. I don't like dealing with it, but it's a necessary sacrifice for science. Gaz didn't tell you?"

"No, she doesn't tell me anything," Did said.

"Well, don't feel left out," his father said. "If this experiment works, you'll be a lot more involved very soon."

Gaz came out of her room, still wearing the hat. "Gaz, it's warm today. Why are you wearing a hat?" her father asked.

"No reason," she said.

"She's going bald," Dib said.

"I am not! Stop telling lies, Dib! I'll kill you!"

"Enough," the Professor said. "Gaz, take off the hat. I don't need you acting weird like Dib. No offense, Dib."

"None taken," Dib said.

"No," Gaz said. She usually didn't argue with her dad, but she wasn't doing this.

"Yoink," Dib said. He grabbed the hat off of her head and stared.

Purple antennae grew where Gaz' hair used to be. "Give it back!" she shouted.

Dib handed her the hat. "We really are turning Irken," he said.

"It seems that way," their father said. "I anticipated something like this. That's why I took you kids out of school."

"Zim wears discuses. Maybe the PAK can tell you how to make them," Dib suggested.

Gaz checked the PAK for information. "It's not hard," she said.

"Let's get you a disguise then," her father said, and they left for the lab. Dib was left with the insane robot, feeling very alone.

"I have a brain worm," Kab said as he held up a piece of cooked spaghetti. "You want it?"

"Thank you Kab", Dib said, and he rubbed the robot's head affectionately. The little guy was beginning to grow on him. When he saw Gaz again she looked like her normal cranky self, complete with a full wig of purple hair.

The Professor actually slept that night, happy in the knowledge that he would keep his children and his planet safe. The next stage of his plan was nearly ready. He spent the next day catching Gaz and Dib up on their lessons. He left for the lab after their morning session, and after he got home he spent a few hours with each of them, focusing on Gaz' spelling and Dib's history lessons.

"I put in my two weeks' notice," he said as they had a quick dinner.

"They let you do that?" Dib asked.

"Of course, son. I'm not in the military. The President did ask me to stay, but this Irken research is much more important. Someone else will have to end global warming. Super Toast already ended world hunger. I think I've done enough. It's time to save the world on a galactic scale."

Dib scratched at his head, and pulled out a handful of hair.

"I guess it's time for a disguise for you, too," he said. "Gaz, why are your eyes so red? Have you been sleeping?"

"Sort of," she said. "This stuff is freaking me out."

He leaned closer to her. "Your eyes look larger than they used to. I think you'd better ask the PAK how to make a disguise for that as well.

I wasn't sure if I was going to tell you kids about this, but I've been working on changing myself into an Irken. I didn't want you kids to go through this alone, and I think we could infiltrate their society. According to the hologram, they respond to the tallest Irken as their leader. I'm six foot five, which would make me the tallest Irken to ever live."

Several days went by, and Gaz and Dib had changed into Irkens in every way. Their bodies were fully Irken, and their minds had changed to accept their new role in the universe. Irkens don't let other beings take what's theirs, and the Earth was theirs. Dib waited until he thought Gaz and his father were asleep and snuck out of the house. He had an idea. He wanted to see how Irken technology reacted to him. He entered Zim's base without being detected and made his way down to the heart of his hideout.

He saw Zim working on what he could only assume was another dooms-day device. It was a mass of metal, tubes, and wires, and Dib was trying to determine what it was when he heard, "master! I snuck in too!" behind him.

"Kab, be quiet!" he said, but it was too late. A spider leg shot out and grabbed him. Zim pulled Dib close to him.

"Computer, I told you to fix the security PROBLEMS!" he screamed.

"There are no security problems," the Computer said.

"Then how did a human infiltrate my defenses?" Zim asked.

"There are no humans in the base at this time," the Computer responded.

"No humans? Then how do explain the Dib-stink?"

"Subject Dib registers as Irken. Security parameters do not prohibit Irkens from entering the base."

"Stupid defective computer," Zim said. He kicked a panel. Zim turned to Dib, and he began to pace around him.

"You won't get away with…whatever you're doing," Dib said.

"I won't get away with fixing the garbage disposal?" Zim asked. "That doesn't make any sense."

The spider leg lifted Dib up and over a large tank filled with a clear liquid. Dib recognized the tank. He'd been trapped in there before. It was where Zim stored his human test subjects. He tried to free himself, but he couldn't even move his arms. Another leg fixed a breathing device to his face and he was lowered into the viscous imprisoning fluid. He was able to see what was happening around him, but the odd substance prevented him from moving.

Kab and Gir had found each other and were watching the Angry Monkey show. Zim paced in front of the tank. Without his disguise, Dib could see his sharp teeth bared in a menacing grin. "I was watching "Alien Autopsies" last night. I wonder how much I could learn from cutting you up? I want to see what you use instead of a squeedly-spooch."

"Don't you dare!" he heard from the transport tube.

Zim spun around. "Another HUMAN? Computer, I'm about to sell you for scrap metal."

The computer didn't respond, other than to make a grumbling noise. Gaz looked at Dib. "Way to go, Loser. You got yourself caught again?"

She turned to Zim. "You'd think you'd at least learn not to make the same mistakes twice." She moved to kick the supposedly unbreakable but actually frail tank glass and free her brother. Zim tackled her and pinned her to the ground. "Two test subjects will be twice as much FUN!" he said.

She fought him and managed to free an arm enough to give him a solid punch to the nose. He managed to grab her before she could escape. As she fought him, her wig and cosmetic face disguise came loose and fell off. Zim's antennae shot straight up in surprise, an expression unusual in the arrogant Irken race. He completely froze.

"Gaz? You're so…beautiful," he said. "I didn't even know Irkens could have purple antennae."

"Get off me Zim!" she said.

He jumped back. "What? How?"

"You're dumb," she said. "Get Dib out of there before I break it again."

He shot a spider arm out to grab Dib, not taking his eyes off of Gaz the entire time. He sat Dib down in front of him.

"You jerk," Dib said.

"Sorry." Zim said.

"Sorry?" Dib asked. "You planned to cut me up and you stuck me in a goo tank!"

"Yeah, um, that was a, uh, ruse. I wanted to prove my worthiness to Gaz. Yeah, that's what I was doing. "

He pulled at Dib's hair and Dib's wig came off. "You too?" Zim asked. "Why would you pretend to be human?"

Another person stepped out of the transporter. "Because it was a test Zim, and you passed. We needed to test your worthiness for an extra special assignment."

Only the lab coat allowed Dib and Gaz to recognize their father. His eyes and antennae were perfectly Irken. The only difference between him and the other Irkens was white eyes and the darker splotch of skin where his scar had been. Zim looked from Gaz and Dib back to the Professor. "Wow," he said. "You're taller than the Tallest."

"That's because I am the Tallest, Zim. Now leave my _smeets_ alone."

"Yes, my TALLEST!" Zim said. "Shall I contact the ones who were the Tallest for you?"

"No Zim. This is a secret."

"You're the one foretold in the prophecy right? The Tallest of all Irkens who would come to us and show us a better way to live? Allow Zim to be your SERVANT!"

"I will allow that, Zim," he said.

"You don't want him, Dad. He's really lame," Dib said.

"I am not lame! I am ZIM!"

"We will see," the Professor asked. "I need to return to my own base and finish some work there. Come, my _smeets_, we have work to do."

"Uh, sure Dad," Dib said. As they were driving home, he asked, "what was all that about?"

"Yeah," Gaz said. "That was weird."

"I've been interacting with the hologram, and I've learned a great deal about the Irken Empire. They have an odd government structure. They don't grow taller with age, but rather power. Some of them grow taller with strength, some with intelligence, and some other ways. They'll accept me as their leader because of my height. Fortunately they have a prophecy that a Tallest White will appear and show them a better way to live. There's actually a minority of Irkens who believe that conquest can be achieved by diplomacy."

"Aren't there any Irkens who want peace?" Dib asked.

"The Irken idea of peace is every planet belonging to the Irken Empire."

"That's bad," Gaz said.

"Yes, but I think we can change it. I don't imagine we can stop them from conquering. That's too much to expect of an arachnid race. We could direct them toward better management of their conquered planets, and maybe we could slow their conquests. I have a plan to introduce at least some form of democracy among the conquered planets, but it will take time."

"Where do me and Gaz fit into all this?" Dib asked.

"I made a PAK for you, Dib. It won't be as useful as Gaz', but it should help you become an Invader. We'll use Zim for information."

"He's really dumb," Gaz said.

"Yes, but he's also the only Irken who believes in my superiority, simply because he's the only alien who knows about my existence."

"So we'll use Zim against his own people? I like that," Dib said.

When they arrived at the house he told the children to go to the lab. He attached the PAK to Dib. Dib panicked. "Dad, help! It hurts!" He clawed at his back.

His father restrained Dib to keep him from hurting himself. "Calm down, son. It will be ok in a minute or so."

When Dib calmed down, the Professor released him and showed him the PAK on his own back. "I tested it on myself first. I wouldn't have used you as a test subject. The pain goes away quickly."

"Yeah, it's better now," Dib said, "but it itches."

"Try to ask it some questions, like Gaz did."

Dib tried to ask the PAK something, and he put his hand to his head. "It answered, but my head hurts now."

"That didn't happen to me or Gaz." The Professor pulled the hologram up on the computer. He explained the problem.

"I did say he wouldn't adjust as well as Gaz," it said. "Some half-Irkens have this problem. He'll be able to use the PAK painlessly eventually. Until then he should practice in short sessions, and he should avoid using the PAK legs."

"Why don't you go take some Tylenol and get some rest," the Professor said. "or work on your history lessons."

When Dib left the Professor turned back to the hologram. "We have some work to do. I need to know how the Irkens managed faster than light propulsion, as well as how to build an Irken ship capable of carrying four people to Irk."

"You could ask your PAK these questions," the hologram said.

"I know. I really didn't like having a hologram of Elaina around at first, but I'm becoming fond of you."

"Don't depend on me too much. Dib's not the only one with signs of mental illness in the Membrane family."

"We've talked about that before. I'm not mentally ill. I'm focused. There's a difference."

"I'm not going to argue with you. If you really want to do this, we'd better begin. You'll have to use your PAK, but I'll explain what I can."

He began learning the skills that would change the Irken Empire forever. Earth would be safe, no matter what he had to sacrifice.


	4. Chapter 4

AN: Last chapter. I really enjoyed this one. There's some odd alien sex in here. Zim/Gaz. Also a surprise relationship. I don't want to ruin the surprise. Please review and I'll love you forever.

Chapter 4

Accidents

The Professor sent Zim a message, explaining that his mission to take over the Earth was just a part of his testing, that in fact the Earth was a sacred planet and not to be touched. Zim was confused but accepted his Tallest's words. "The prophecy did say there would be a people the Irkens would learn from, a lesser race that would allow us to become even more superior. It also said that the Tallest White would be an Irken who wasn't born Irken. What does that mean, my Tallest?"

"I'll explain in time, Zim. Know this. You'll be rewarded for your loyalty. This needs to stay a state secret for the time being. There are people who I need to hide myself from at the moment."

The next day Zim stood outside the Membrane's house, just outside the laser-field that protected his leader and his beloved. He waited in a tree across the street, trying to gather his courage. Gaz was scary, but that was a definite turn-on for an Irken.

He saw her enter an upstairs room and sit on her bed. Gaz pulled out a book and started to read. "You even read beautifully," he said. "You will be ZIM's!"

He crossed the street and then easily outwitted the security system. He wondered why the Tallest didn't have a better force-field, but he decided it must be part of his cover as an Earth scientist. This was very advanced for Earth technology, even if it was woefully lacking by Irken standards.

Zim crawled up to Gaz' window. Her back was to him. He tapped on the window, and his heart beat harder as she approached. She opened the window and he began, "Gaz is so beautiful…. To me!" He sang in imitation of an Earth song. "Can't you seeee?"

He was cut off by Gaz' hand around his throat. "Hello, my love," he squeaked.

"I'm not your love, Zim. Get lost." She dropped him into the laser field, and she smirked as she watched him fry a bit. He'd be fine; he always was.

The next day they found an oddity in the living room. The Professor had moved the furniture against the wall, and the TV was nowhere to be seen. Instead a large tub filled the room, connected with wires to a control panel that looked like technology found in Zim's base.

"What is this?" Gaz asked. "Is it another experiment?"

"Yes, honey. This is the way to make Irken fuel. It connects to the same dimension your PAKs partly inhabit. It's a very useful technology. Harnessing the other dimension will allow faster than light travel. When this is finished, I'll build a spaceship around it that will take us to Irk."

"Sweet!" Dib yelled. "We're going into space? That's awesome."

"Yes, yes, I'm sure it's terribly exciting. We have work to do, Dib. Go do some PAK training while Gaz and I work on the fuel problem. It's not stable yet, and I need to find out why."

Dib left them working on the new problem. He felt like he was always one step behind. When he reached his room, he began asking the PAK questions and studying the answers. He ignored the growing pains in his head. He was Dib, the protector of Earth. He wouldn't be outdone by his little sister. That was ridiculous.

A knock sounded on the door. Video Dad opened the door, to find Zim. "What is it Zim?" the Professor asked. "I'm very busy."

"I want to help," Zim said. "If we're not taking over the Earth, I need to do something."

"Come in then. We could use your help," the Professor said.

"Yes, my TALLEST! I am indeed good for helping!" Zim hurried into the base, and stopped as he saw them working. The Professor and Gaz were working without disguises, but that wasn't what had him staring. Gaz was spinning about the new makeshift work area, pushing buttons and pouring chemicals with a gracefulness that enraptured him. He had rarely seen an Irken with such control over the PAK legs. She moved like a dancer on metal legs. He wanted her.

"Zim! Stop staring and check the Xenon levels. This isn't mixing well," she said.

"Sure," he said, and moved over to the measuring rods. He lifted it and studied the figures. "It's not too bad. It just needs more time, and careful watching. Inert gasses are difficult to work with."

"Good," the Professor said. "You two keep an eye on this. I want to check a few things in the lab."

"Gaz, I need to talk to you," Zim said.

"We don't have anything to talk about," she answered.

"We might, if you'd listen. I am ZIM! You are GAZ!"

She rolled her eyes. "Well Duh. Any more great revelations, Caption Obvious?"

"I…um…" he couldn't decide how to say it.

"What Zim? Your voice is annoying. Just say what you want to say." She never heard his reply. Just as Zim opened his mouth, he saw an ominous bubble rise to the top of the fuel mixture. They had taken their eyes off the measuring rod and had missed the temperature rising to dangerous levels.

"Gaz!" he screamed as he launched himself toward her. He was much smaller, but he was strong. He managed to push her out of the way just as the bubble burst. Scalding fluid hit him, and he was flung away from the tub.

The Professor ran in from the lab when he heard Zim's screams. He stopped to change the controls enough to bring the temperature down, and then set the computer to turn off the experiment when it was safe to do so.

Dib entered the room on his spider legs. He hadn't mastered them, but he was faster on them than on his regular legs. "Dad, what happened?"

Zim hadn't stopped screaming. Gaz sat stunned in the corner.

"Are you hurt, Gaz?" the Professor asked.

She shook her head. "Zim pushed me away," she said.

He bent over the still screaming alien. He couldn't see how badly Zim had been damaged. There was too much blood, and Zim was holding a hand over his wound. He tried to move Zim's thin arm. Zim whimpered and clutched his head more tightly.

The Professor rolled Zim onto his back, and he was sickened by the sight. One of Zim's eyes was a bubbling black mess. The entire left side of his face and head was covered with sticky green blood, and bits of burnt flesh hung from his face and shoulder.

"Zim, this is your Tallest. I command you to move your arm and allow me to inspect you."

Zim's good eye opened. "Yes, my Tallest. You honor me too much." He moved his arm and screamed again.

Dib knelt by his father and Zim. He saw Zim's worst wound, and he turned and vomited. "Oh God, that's horrible!" he said.

"Hush, Dib," his father said. Zim's left antennae had been severed about half-way, and the bleeding stump lay withered against his head. The Professor felt a surge of pity for the little alien. Irkens with antenna damage rarely lived very long. The organ was even more necessary than the PAK. Zim was strong though. They could hope. "Dib, find the rest of the antenna," he said.

Dib found the rest of the damaged organ. He handed it to his father. "Good, it's intact," the Professor said. He held it against the stump on Zim's head. "Zim, can you hear me?"

"Yes, my Tallest." His voice sounded weak. "Is Gas ok?"

"She's fine. You did well. Can you feel your antennae?"

Zim laughed weakly. "That's all I can feel right now."

"I'm holding the two parts of your antennae together. Try to focus. You can heal this. Connect the two pieces."

Gaz moved over to him and held his hand. Zim looked at her and smiled. His smile was missing some teeth, and his thin lips cracked and bled with the movement. His antennae formed a lump around the break, linking the two pieces together. "That's better," he said, and passed out.

"Dib, get me a clean rag and some bandages from the kitchen," the Professor said. When Dib brought them back he cleaned the blood off Zim's face. He lifted a large flap of skin that exposed Zim's cheekbone. He had to be careful with the badly burnt areas. He fitted the skin back in place and carefully closed several other wounds. Zim stirred. His hand moved toward his head. The Professor placed the little alien's hand over his antennae. "Hold the break in place," he said. He applied an Irken anesthetic and bandaged the wounds.

When he had helped Zim as much as he could he told Dib to get the ironing board. He carefully lifted Zim onto the board. "Help me get him to his room," he told Dib. "He'll heal, but it's going to take time. I'm not sure about the antennae. I don't have much knowledge of Irken physiology, just first aid skills."

They moved Zim to his quarters. Gaz followed quietly behind them. They settled him onto his small bed. "That's all we can do for him right now," the Professor said. "I'll get him some pain medication, but other than that we'll just have to see what happens."

"I'll stay with him. I feel bad about this," Gaz said.

"This isn't your fault," her father said.

"I know, but he'll feel better if I'm here," she said. When they left she sat by his bed. He was awake, but he didn't seem very cognizant of what was going on around him.

"It's ok Zim," she said. "Get some sleep. You'll heal. You always do."

Dib came in with a syringe. "Dad said to give him this." He injected the fluid into Zim's arm. After about a minute, Zim's eye grew wider and he smiled. "Zim's feeling gooood," he said.

"I guess that means the pain meds are kicking in," Dib said. "I'm going to help Dad."

He left her with the drugged up alien. "Hello Gir," Zim said. "You wanna make biscuits?"

"Finally!" Gir screamed, and promptly exploded. Kab cried and hugged Gir's shell. "No Gir! I loveded you."

"Great, that's gonna take all day to fix," Zim said, "and I'm all out of bubble gum."

"Zim, thank you," Gaz said. She bent down and grazed his good cheek with her barely existent alien lips in an approximation of a human kiss. He didn't even notice. He had fallen asleep.

After he restarted the experiment, the Professor made sure he supervised it the entire day and a half it took to prepare the fuel, without sleep and eating whatever food the kids brought him. He couldn't believe he'd left them alone with something so dangerous, even for a few minutes. He came to see Zim after that with another dose of medication. Zim was awake, and even though he didn't say he was in pain his clenched fists and his heavy breathing proclaimed his state.

The Professor changed his bandages. He was already beginning to heal. Irkens heal serious damage very quickly and then slow down to do the actual recovery. His eye had already scabbed over, and his wounds had stopped bleeding. His antennae still lay wrinkled and crushed against his skull.

He was about to give Zim his shot when Zim placed his hand on the Professor's arm to restrain him. "Why?" he asked.

"Why what, Zim?"

"You are treating me like I'm your own _smeet. _I don't deserve this."

The Professor sought for a good reply. Even now he was mindful of his mission. "All Irkens are as my _smeets_ Zim. I will bring family back to the Irkens. We did wrong to throw the concept away."

"Oh," Zim said. He looked disappointed. The Professor realized what Zim had wanted to hear. "Your becoming even more like my own _smeet_ though, Zim. You're not like the other Irkens. You're special. That's why I chose to reveal myself to you first."

Zim smiled. "Thank you my Tallest. I will strive to be worthy of this honor."

The Professor let him see a genuine smile, completely untainted by ambition or manipulation. "You saved my precious Gaz, Zim. You've already proven yourself worthy. Good job soldier."

They didn't see Zim for several weeks outside of his room. They brought his pain medication and food, and Gaz sat with him occasionally. One day, Zim appeared in the living room that had been turned into another lab.

"I see you finally decided to get out of bed, lazy," Dib said.

"Yes, well I got tired of not working. Zim does not like being still. I am ZIM!" He crossed to the couch and sat heavily. He closed his eyes.

"Zim wore himself out getting here, didn't he?" Dib said.

"I'm ignoring you Dib," Zim said.

The Professor came into the room. "Ah, Zim, good to see you up and about. If you're feeling up to it, I could use your help with something."

Zim sat up straight. "Yes my TALLEST! Zim is always ready to attend to the Tallest's needs. How may I serve you?"

"I'll need you in the lab. The information in my PAK is less up to date than yours."

He made the necessary connections, but when he began to download the new data he received an error message. "PAKs are not compatible. Error: data transmitting from defective PAK."

He shut the communication down and told Zim the message. Zim's good antennae flattened itself against his head. "Yes, Zim is defective. But I still manage to conquer, my Tallest."

"Zim, I want to look inside your PAK and see what the problem is. I might be able to fix it."

"You… you want to open Zim's PAK?" Zim asked. The Professor knew why he was afraid. The PAK was life. Without it, Zim would just be a normal being. To his mind removing the PAK would be like a lobotomy.

"Do you trust your Tallest, Zim?" the Professor asked. He felt a bit of guilt as he manipulated Zim, but quickly pushed it aside. It was for the mission, which made his actions acceptable.

"Yes, my Tallest. Can we do it quickly? Zim is scared." His voice sounded childlike and small. "Can Gaz be here? If I don't make it, I want her to be here when I… whatever happens."

"Of course Zim, and I promise I'll be careful." He was surprised to realize that he would be saddened to lose Zim.

Zim climbed onto the table and lay down on his stomach. His good antennae waved wildly and his eyes bulged with fear. This was way too much like "Alien Autopsy".

"Zim, calm down. You're going to hyperventilate," the Professor said. Zim made an effort to calm himself, but a few tears sneaked out of his eyes. The Professor pretended not to notice. He spoke quietly to Zim for a few minutes, trying to calm his fears, but he understood why Zim was so nervous. This was the Irken equivalent of brain surgery.

He called Gaz from her room, and he explained the situation to her. Gaz sat by the table and awkwardly took Zim's hand.

"This is really brave Zim," the Professor said. "I don't know of any other Irkens who would do this for their people."

Zim opened his pack and extended his spider legs so the Professor could look inside. He poked around for a while, carefully avoiding causing any damage. "I think I see the problem," he said. "There is an important connection missing here. The Tridiamiter should be linked to the Caudermeter. Your logic functions are impaired. Gaz, go get the stereo."

"The stereo?" she asked. "How will that help?"

"Oddly enough, much of this Irken technology just boils down to basic electronics. This is just an advanced computer. I'm going to use the existing connections with a bit of copper wire."

"You're going to put Earth-stuff in me?" Zim asked.

"I just need the copper wire," the Professor said. "This technology is similar to Earth technology, at least the part that's broken. You're lucky. Most of the components in a PAK couldn't be fixed, at least not with the materials at hand."

Gaz brought the stereo into the room.

"My Tallest, if this doesn't work please don't let me live like an animal. Promise me you'll kill me."

"I won't let you live like an animal Zim. Have some faith in your Tallest." He reached for the scalpel. "This is going to hurt."

Zim closed his eyes. "I guessed as much." The Professor pressed a button on the table, and restraints leapt out and clamped down on Zim's wrists and legs. Another one fit around his neck.

"My Tallest?" Zim asked. "What is this?"

"I can't have you thrashing around. You'll hurt yourself."

"Dad, why do you even have those?" Gaz asked.

"That's complicated," her father said. "Focus on the problem at hand."

The Professor sliced through the aborted connections. He cut the ends off so that the connecting tissue was exposed. He saw a combination of metal and live tissue. Zim's opened his eyes and screamed. He tried to fight against the restraints, but he was well secured.

"Suction," the Professor said to Gaz.

She looked at the unfamiliar tools. "Which one is the suction?"

"The one on the tray that's vaguely L shaped with a larger tip." He sucked the blood away and inserted the copper wire in both ends, connecting them like a speaker to a radio.

Zim whimpered. "Please stop," he said. "Please," he whispered. Tears streamed from his eyes. Gaz squeezed his hand.

"It's almost over Zim," the Professor said. He watched as the natural Irken healing mechanism began growing flesh over the wires.

"Zim, can you hear me?" he asked. "It's healing. Try to ask your PAK a question, something complicated."

"It works," Zim said. "It answered me."

The Professor pressed the button that released Zim. He wiped his eyes.

"Can you feel any difference in your PAK?" Gaz asked.

"Yeah, it's easier to think. Wow. I was an idiot," Zim said. He looked to the Professor. "Why did you choose me? I can see what a defective I was."

"You are special, Zim, but not for the reasons I told you. You're special because you're loyal. I have to have faith in my subjects, just like I expect faith from you. Do you understand?"

"No, but that's ok. I don't need to understand, as long as you do. That's why you're the Tallest."

"Exactly," the Professor said. "Now, we should see if I can connect with your PAK." He successfully completed the download from Zim's pack. "Good work, soldier," he said. "Dismissed."

"If it's ok, I'm going to lay here for awhile, my Tallest."

Gaz handed him a pillow and a blanket. They left him to rest. He slept for several hours, and he dreamed of human scientists cutting him apart to learn his secrets.

On his way back to his room, Zim walked by Dib in the larger lab. Dib was working on connecting his computer to the Irken computer brought over from Zim's lab. He showed Dib several connections that were missing. He wouldn't have had access to that information before. He wondered how much else had been missing. Maybe this Earth technology wasn't so bad. If the Tallest believed this place could teach the Irkens, there must be some reason.

His body healed over the next couple of weeks, but the scars remained. He had a large U shaped scar under his left eye, and the left side of his face was a darker green than the surrounding skin. He and the Tallest looked more like relatives than the Tallest and Dib. Zim liked that. His antennae would never be the same, though. It worked properly, but it wouldn't move like it should. It just lay against his head like a piece of spaghetti.

They were building a ship in the house. It would be larger than the house itself, eventually. For right now they were just working on the engine. It was a huge project, and was taking its toll on everyone. Gaz was crankier than usual, and Zim and Dib were having more spats. The Tallest seemed to have quit sleeping altogether, although Zim was sure he must sleep at some point.

Gaz was working on the thrusters when she saw Zim stand up and hold his left antennae with a puzzled look.

"Come on Zim," she said. "Put the part in. I want to do something else, and we can't stop until we've got the thrusters working."

"Sorry Gaz, I," he stopped and shook his head. "I think something's wrong," he said and fell to his knees. "Oh, my head," Zim said.

He heard footsteps running away from him, and then the unmistakable sound of the Tallest's heavy boots. He saw the way Zim was holding his head. "Migraine?" the Professor asked.

"I think so," Zim said.

"Gaz, keep working. I'll take Zim back to his quarters."

"I can make it myself, my Tallest. Don't bother yourself with Zim." He stood and made his way slowly toward the door.

"Very well, but take care of yourself, Zim. I need you healthy."

"Yes, my Tallest."

He tried to sleep it off. Sometime that night Gir pounced on his chest. "Hi Master!" it said. "Me and Kab been playing hide and go seek!"

"For two weeks?" Zim asked.

"Yeah, and we won," Kab said. "Nobody came looking for us."

"Kab and I are gonna make _smeets_," Gir said. "Yay!"

"And cookies," Kab said. "Yay!"

"Robots can't…never mind," Zim said. He couldn't bring himself to explain biology to them. He didn't want to be the one that disappointed them. He couldn't help but wonder what the _smeets_ that he and Gaz could make would look like. It was silly to even wonder, of course. Very few Irkens were allowed to have their own _smeets._

The next day he approached Gaz. "Gaz, I know you and Dib like Earth traditions. I brought you something." He held out a bunch of wildflowers.

She sneezed. "I'm allergic, lame-brain. Get rid of those."

"Yes, my love. I won't give up, you know."

"Yeah, I kind of noticed that." Gaz went back to working. She asked her PAK, _Question: how do Irkens show affection?_ The answer made her understand why Zim still tried to get her attention. Male Irkens approached Female Irkens with gifts. Female Irkens were rude and aggressively rejected them until they reached a point of acceptance, at which point they would initiate physical interaction. If they were really serious about getting rid of the male, they would say, "it's a nice gift, but our genes aren't compatible." It was a throwback to the time when Irkens still had their own smeets.

She looked at Zim working on a schematic. He was making corrections and getting red ink on his hands. He had grown taller since his PAK was fixed. He was almost five feet now, a decent height for an Invader. He was well-muscled and wiry, the ideal of Irken male beauty – except for the scars. She didn't want him though. He was Zim, annoying and petty Zim that had kept bothering her all those years.

He noticed her watching him. "Yes, Gaz?"

"It's a nice gift, but…" she couldn't finish. His eyes were so sad. "The flowers would be better in the kitchen. There's more air there, so they might not bother me so much."

Zim relaxed visibly. "Oh, ok. I thought you were going to say something else." He went to the kitchen with the flowers. She followed him. He put them in a jar and sat down at the table. She sat next to him. The badly healed antennae reminded her of something she'd been meaning to tell him.

"Thank you," she said.

"For the flowers? I thought you didn't like them."

"No, for pushing me out of the way of the explosion. You broke an antenna for me." She reached up and stroked the damaged organ.

"Mmmm…" he said. He closed his eyes and sighed. "That's nice."

_That must be relaxing_, she thought. He brought his hand up and passed it over her own antennae, pressing it lightly to her head and stroking it gently. Sensation spread from her antennae through the rest of her body. She knew the antennae were sensitive, but she'd never felt anything so good. Psychic images reached her from Zim's mind. She could feel his warm affection for her, and when he reached up and began to stroke her other antennae, she reciprocated. They sat, totally engrossed in each other.

Zim rested his forehead against hers, still fondling her antennae, and she giggled. "You're right. This is nice." She lost track of how long they sat there. Zim pulled his hands away eventually, and she did the same. She didn't exactly know what was happening, but she figured Zim did. Her antennae moved forward by themselves and one of them touched the tip of Zim's good antennae. The ends of their antennae dissolved, allowing the two organs to absorb themselves into each other.

The connection they shared increased in potency. Psychic images began to flow between the two. Suddenly Gaz knew what it was to be Zim. She knew the frustration, the anger, the sense of duty, the love for his people, the feelings of inadequacy, and the homesickness. Most of all, she could feel how much he needed her. She knew he was feeling something similar. Eventually the sensations died away, and the antennae returned to their regular shape.

She opened her eyes to see Zim still resting his forehead against hers. He was smiling. "Thank you," he said softly.

"I liked that, a lot," Gaz said.

"Yeah, me too."

They were interrupted by the Professor bursting into the kitchen. He ran to the sink and threw open the drawers under it. He began throwing out tools and kitchen utensils. "Millions of dollars of scientific equipment, and the whole project is held up through lack of a bottle opener." He found a bottle opener and held it above his head. "Yes! Science will continue." He rushed out of the room.

"What was that?" Zim asked.

"Oh, that's just Dad being Dad," she said. "You'll get used to it." The moment was over, and they went back to their own work. Whenever they passed each other they would share a smile, but they didn't have time for much more than that. The Professor was working them harder every day. He was beginning to fear that they would be discovered.

They finished the ship. Even though it was small they had to dismantle the house in the end to finish it. Reporters gathered outside, demanding answers. The Professor put on his disguise and went outside for an impromptu press conference. "I have decided to explore space. It has been a dream of mine since I was a child."

They bought it. That wasn't surprising though. Humanity really wasn't very smart. As the ship lifted off, Dib and Gaz watched the neighbors, tourists, and hot dog stand owners cheer them on. They charged toward the stars.

It was six months before they reached Irk. They were six months filled with Zim and Gaz finding secret moments in storage spaces, Zim and Dib becoming less like enemies and more like squabbling brothers, and six months of the Professor honing his plans and studying Irken society and history. He was ready when they came close to Irken home space.

A robotic voice filled the speakers. "Unknown vessel, identify yourself. You are encroaching on Irken space."

"This is the spaceship Earth One," the Professor said. "I am in route to Irk."

"What is your business on Irk, Earth One?"

"I demand a measuring," the Professor said. He knew that such a request could never be refused.

The robotic voice was replaced by an organic one. "Earth One, repeat last transmission."

The Professor repeated his request. "Transferring," he heard, and muzac filled the air. "Please hold, your transmission is important to us."

The Tallest (or at least those who thought they were the Tallest) came on screen. "Who says he's taller than us?" they asked.

"I do," the Professor said, "and I demand a measuring."

"If you want," Tallest Purple said. "You know if you're not taller than us you'll be condemned to death, right?"

"I am aware of that."

"You don't look familiar," Tallest Red said. He took a long sip off of a Fud Court Brand Green Soda. "Who are you?"

"My name is Albert Membrane."

"Odd name for an Invader," Tallest Red said.

"I'll explain when I get there."

"Very well. We'll have a security ship escort you here."

When they stepped onto the Massive, they were led into a large auditorium. It was filled with thousands of Irkens, and the Tallest sat on their thrones. Most of the Irkens had nachos. They were here to see the measuring, something that hadn't happened in hundreds of years.

As they walked through the crowd, they heard the chatter around them. "He's so tall!" someone said. "Do you think it's the prophecy?" another asked. The buzz around them grew louder as they approached the leaders.

"Silence!" Tallest Purple yelled. As the Professor ascended the stairs, it became obvious he was at least a foot taller than the leaders.

"No measuring is necessary," Tallest Red said. "I submit to your leadership." He knelt before the Professor. "You must be the Tallest White prophesied. Tell us the better way, my Tallest."

Tallest Purple knelt as well. "Tell us the better way!" he said. The people in the audience began to chant, "Tell us the better way! Tell us the better way!"

The Professor held up his hand. The cheers were deafening. When the people quieted, he began. "People of Irk," he had to pause for applause again. "We are a strong people, unafraid of the universe and able to be the strongest race in existence." Again, more applause.

He began to lay out his plan for conquest, crafting it in such a way as to make it sound like he was only interested in making the Empire more stable. When he was finished they were completely sold on him, especially when he promised that happy subservient cultures would mean more snacks. He would work on the idea of equality later.

As they were leaving, Gaz saw two young Irken women ogling Zim. "Who is that?" one of them asked.

"I think that's Zim," the other said.

"It can't be. He's tall, and he has an Invader's scars. Zim was short and soft."

"I don't know, but I'd like to wrap my antennae around him."

Gaz snarled at them and took Zim's hand. "What?" Zim asked.

"Nothing," Gaz said. "Just remember, your mine space-boy."

"Um, sure Gaz." He liked his women scary.

Kab and Gir jumped onto the stage with the leaders formerly known as the Tallest. "Yay," Kab said. "We's gonna get married." It was wearing a white wedding dress.

"I want a monkey for a best man," Gir shouted.

"And Minimoose is the bridesmaid!" Kab yelled. "Yay!"

**And they all lived Invadingly ever after.**


	5. Chapter 5

Thank you all for the awesome reviews! Oops. Totally forgot about the green skin. I was going to end with the last chapter, but the comment about Irken males and purple antennae inspired me, and I wanted to do more with Kab and Gir. Merry Snackmas everyone. (P.S. I'm totally celebrating Snackmas on January 15th.)

Epilogue

Gaz negotiated the Irken bazaar, looking for a Snackmas present for Zim. She bought Dib and her father traditional Snackmas Wormcakes, but she wanted to get Zim something special. She found a stall that sold Wormcakes decorated with the red Irken face favored as the logo of the Irken army. He'd love that.

"It's on the house," the stall manager said. He blushed. "Merry Snackmas."

She couldn't help but laugh as she left the bazaar. She had the Irken males by the antennae. They would do almost anything for her, just because she was the first Irken in history to have purple antennae. Apparently she was the Irken equivalent of Marilyn Monroe.

She was on her way home when Kab and Gir ran into her, literally. They danced around her. "Look!" Kab screamed. "I have a smeet!"

It held up a small trash compactor. "We named it Taco!" Gir said.

"That's…nice," Gaz said, and she watched as they capered off, hugging their "smeet" and talking baby-talk to the inanimate object.

When she got home she went straight to her room and patted the nurturing tube in the corner. Life-giving nutrients fed a tiny smeet. The Professor had removed the limitations on smeet-making and allowed any Irkens to make smeets, provided they had the means to provide for them. It breathed and moved slightly. Gaz smiled. She'd have to find it some clothes with skulls on it. She needed to keep some Earth traditions alive.


End file.
